We Might as Well be Strangers

Why do people do shady things to people they apparently care about? Why do they lie, steal, cheat, or say terrible things behind other people’s backs? What happened to integrity? Loyalty? Communication? When did everyone become so underhanded and deceptive?

It’s much better to be brave in the face of truth, than try and come out unscathed on the other side of a lie. Things will never be the same. Even if the lie can be forgiven, it’s unlikely that they will ever see you the same way again… It brings everything into question. First it’s just one lie and then you discover more and more until you wonder if there was any truth to any of it at all. You question what you did to make them lie to you in the first place, even though it’s not your fault, you’ll question and wonder and obsess over what it is that apparently makes it so easy for people to lie to you? Do they think you’re naive? Easy? Or do they just not respect you enough to be honest? Whatever it is, it will sting, like an open handed slap across the face, you’ll feel it for a long while.

It is important to remember, however, even though 50 people have lied to you in the past, it doesn’t mean the 51st will too. Chances are good, but give them the benefit of the doubt. We have walls for a reason, to keep us going and healing so that when that right person does come along, we’ll have something left. Just because everyone else has let you down, this could be the time that someone doesn’t let go. But if they do, take a few days and then wear is as a badge of honor. You were wronged. Betrayed. Broken and left behind and you’re still going. Be proud, lesser people have crumbled in the face of deceit, so use it as armor. Keep moving forward. We can’t move on to the next chapter of our lives if we keep re-reading the last one.

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Serenity Now

I’m not shy to admit that I’m not a religious person. Spiritual maybe, but not religious. Regardless, I was thinking about the Serenity Prayer today. It has a great message, no matter your faith.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can.” I can get so hung up on things that I have no control over instead of working on the things that I can. I guess the silver lining is that I do know the difference, or so I think…

I hate feeling helpless, I’m a fix-er or solution-finder. I hate being in a bind, and I’m usually resourceful enough to not have it last for long. I can change and control myself, that’s what it is time to focus on. 🙂

Walls

We all have walls. WE build them up to protect ourselves, we let them down when we trust someone, so the story goes. What about when you let them down too soon, or you don’t let them down at all? People are always saying you should let others in or you’ll end up really lonely. I beg to differ. Walls are necessary, walls protect us, shield us and save us from the agony of getting hurt.

How do you know when to put walls us and when to let them down? How do you know who is safe to let in and who isn’t?

Until then, I’ll try and keep building.

The beginning of a new chapter, hello 2015

Finally 2015 is here! I start school for paralegal tomorrow and I can’t wait. Truth be told I’m a little nervous, but I am ready to get started with the next chapter of my life. I want to learn a ton of stuff, polish the skills I already have and of course, meet new people! Tomorrow is only registration, 8:45am until noon, so that will ease me in I think. Also: no school on Fridays! Yay a day to cook, go running and of course: homework!

I’m trying to make sure I have everything ready that I need and also trying to make a list of some groceries I need to pick up tomorrow. As well as some new teas. I have a feeling I’ll be drinking a lot of tea while slaving over homework.

Oh I almost forgot! My Surface Pro 3 finally came! I got a sweet deal on a holiday bundle, the i5 256 GB Surface, a purple typepad cover, a nice case and MS Office 365.

I signed up for a free month of Netflix. I was worried that it wouldn’t work with our crappy internet but IT DOES! ❤ I adore Netflix, I’ve gone through so many House of Cards, Suits, Orange is the New Black and The Guild episodes! I wish there was Game of Thrones and Sex and the City though… There’s another service called CraveTV only $4 a month so I might try that one as well. 🙂

PS. My mom was trolling the shit out of me this this terrifying decoration on your tree. It’s an antique but still creepy as hell! 😛

Happy New Year everyone!

Enjoy the journey.

It’s not about how far you get, or how long you’re out there or what place you come in. It’s that you started. It’s that you pushed, that you made the effort. It’s the passion that keeps you going strong day after day. Rain or shine and you’re still smiling. Enjoying the journey. Seeing the effects. Loving each moment.

Cheers to new adventures

Always ask questions. don’t be afraid to wonder or find out the truth.

Always seek opportunity to have new experiences and learn new things.

Never settle.

Don’t be afraid to hear “No”. You’ll never know if you never try.

We always regret the chances we didn’t take, rarely we regret taking a chance when it’s presented.

Don’t give up. No matter what it is. Nothing is ever hopeless. Even if it’s not the outcome you may think, everything will work out in the end.

If you like someone, give them a smile. not just any smile the smile. And they’ll know. 😉 Of course you could always just tell them.

Go places, see things, meet people and have the time of your life. Even if it’s with perfect strangers. Soak it in.

And last but not least…. if someone is acting as an anchor and dragging you down… cut em loose.

Watching Your Back in the Workplace

Do you ever feel like you have to watch your back at work? Call me naive but I’ve usually felt pretty comfortable where I work, up until recently.

Maybe I’m paranoid, maybe I’ve been watching too many legal dramas but I can feel something is up. Maybe it’s because I know I’ll be done soon since I’m going back to school in January (I haven’t announced it at work yet). Or maybe it’s because I have a tendency to get gut instincts when something is not right. No matter which one it is, I can still feel it. Talking in hush tones, the changing of conversation when I walk into the room, and the attitude of some co-workers. I know that there have been comments made about me to my employer, things that someone should just take up with me. ‘Co-worker A’ said that I “am always looking up the weather” on the internet. Which made me almost LOL in the middle of my annual staff review. First of all I live on an acreage out of town, so yes, naturally I check the weather, especially in the winter so I know what things are going to look like on the way home and it only takes me about 90 seconds. I rolled my car on my way to work last year because of bad roads so shove that in your pipe and smoke it. Secondly that same person ‘co-worker A’ has 10+ minute phone conversations with her sister, about NOTHING or gossiping, while at the front desk. *roll my freaking eyes* Like give me a damn break. I always feel like they’re out to get me…

I started at this job when I was nineteen. That was 5 years ago and a lot has changed. I have changed. They know me as a naive and quiet 19 year old and wouldn’t really stand up for herself. I’ve become someone totally different but I can’t be that person at my current job. I hope that makes sense. I really want to give them a piece of my mind, not in a disrespectful or rude way, but enough to get my point across.

I have one co-worker in particular, who is so in my business and so far up my ass, she’s pretty much coming out my mouth. I can’t stand it anymore. Anything that I’m taking care of or are responsible for, she comes and takes over. Or moves things around on my side of the desk or in the filing cabinet under my desk. I just want to scream “FUCK DIRECTLY OFF!” and “Don’t worry about what I’m doing, focus on yourself!”.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my co-workers. Outside of work I think they’re all pretty decent people. I used to always thing everything was personal, but now I get it. It’s the damn office politics and I’m so sick of it. Even some of the shit my bosses pull. it really makes me roll my eyes. Aren’t we all adults, can’t we all just pull the sticks out of our asses and stop being so ridiculous?

Now maybe I have less patience because I know I’ll be done soon (end of December let’s go!), but I’m really getting fed up. The stress of it is pretty silly,I shouldn’t let it get to me. Instead of having a cigarette at the end of a crazy, hair-pulling day, I should go for a run and do more yoga. *deep breathe* It actually feels good just to rant about it on here.

My advice, and the advice I plan to follow when I start school and get into my new career is: stand up for yourself and don’t take bullshit. Also: Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy and not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

Cheers.